1. The road accident that changed my life
I still remember that one summer day I got hit by a van – crazy, right? The sun was shining, and me and my mom were just chilling, waiting for a bus to drop off a delivery. Then out of nowhere, this van pulls up across the street, lost and all. Mom and I had to dash across to help them out with directions. They talked for a bit, and honestly, I got kinda bored eavesdropping. So, I figured I’d go back to where we were posted earlier.
But before I could even make it to the other side, everything went dark.
Next thing I knew, I was staring at my mom’s face, groaning something like, “Ma, I’m so tired. I want to sleep.” My body felt so heavy, my head was pounding like crazy. Last thing I caught before dozing off was Mom’s voice, hustling to keep me awake.
The story, as told to me, is a harrowing one. The van had hit me, leaving my family fearing the worst as they rushed me to the hospital. Those who witnessed the accident shared the same disbelief, they didn’t think I’d make it. Even our neighbors prepared for what they assumed would be my final farewell.
But hey, here I am, a living proof that miracles do happen. Thank God.
Since that day, roads and vehicles trigger a deep-seated unease within me. Simply riding in a vehicle can spark intense anxiety, a fear of the road turning into a danger zone. This experience has forever changed me, a constant reminder of life’s fragility.
2. Surgery for acute appendicitis
I was in sixth grade when it happened. The symptoms came on suddenly without warning. One midnight, I started getting sharp sting on the right side of my abdomen and I felt nauseous. It was getting more and more uncomfortable. I began to vomit green-like liquids until morning. The pain was so intense that I couldn’t even walk or sit straight. My parents decided to bring me to a hospital in the morning. When we arrived in the ER, the doctor told us that I have an acute appendicitis and I have to undergo a surgery immediately so they put me into a total fasting, no food and water. The problem was the hospital did not have enough equipment for the surgery so they referred me to a bigger hospital which can accommodate my surgery. The process took more than 24 hours for me to get transferred. Imagine the pain and the discomfort I felt during that time. When I was finally transferred to a bigger hospital, my parents requested for an immediate appendectomy for me, but it took 2 days before I was scheduled for a surgery. During the time of my surgery, another problem occurred. I was already taken out by two nurses from my room to finally get the surgery when they received a notice that the operating room that was meant for my operation was not available anymore because a man who was stabbed needs to be operated immediately and there is only one operating room left which means that my operation needs to be put on hold. It sucks. It truly sucks. I was in pain and discomfort. And the fact that I haven’t eaten or drink anything for the last three days made the whole situation even worse. My mother was so mad about what happened, so she confronted the doctor and told the management that she will file a complaint if they will not do my operation as soon as possible. A couple of hours after that, I was finally brought to the operating room and got the surgery I needed. It took me a month to fully recover. But I’m very, very grateful to God for giving me the strength to survive everything.
3. Demons in my head.
I struggled with anxiety when I was in college. Imagine a constant reel of thoughts, like a film that never stops playing. I constantly think, my friends, who are super understanding and knows about my issues, are going to reject me or finally be done with me. I always think that people’s good treatment towards me are all fake. There’s always this constant worry that I might mess things up and become a laughingstock. Most of the times when things get a little awkward when I am with someone my mind runs a mile per second and goes crazy like:
“Is she bored? Am I being too quiet and boring? Is she irritated? She looks kind of irritated. What should I be doing right now? I should really stop thinking so much. Maybe if I stopped thinking so much then I wouldn’t be so boring and she wouldn’t wish she was hanging out with someone less boring. Is she avoiding looking at me? Do I look weird? Why am I uncomfortable looking her in the eye? Gotta stop thinking. What should I say?”
My mind is never fully at ease. I overthink minor interactions into oblivion and jump to the worst conclusions every time to the point of being physically sick. It also came to a point where I resorted to self harm and cut myself every time something stressful happens. Worst is when I’m having panic attacks, it feels very crippling, I feel like my body is on fire, my whole body is shaking, my chest is so tight that I can barely breathe. It feels like I’m dying and going crazy at the same time. There were many times that I also thought of killing myself. Thank God, He always saves me every time I am at my lowest.
I tried to seek help from the guidance councilor, two times, but it did not help me at all. I also consulted a psychiatrist who gave me a prescription for my anxiety and depression, but I decided not to depend on the medicines for my healing. I am still in the process of getting better each day and slowly putting one foot in front of the other, and I know I will be better as long as I don’t quit.
4. Being sickly sucks
When I was about to end my contract in my most recent job, I was fortunate enough to get a new job offer from a government agency so I was required to submit some requirements, including a fit to work medical certificate but to my surprise my medical results were not as good as I expected. I found out that I have a lung infection which needs an immediate medication. The doctor did not give me a fit to work certificate which made me decide to not accept the job. My plans were affected and I initially was not bothered, but after realizing the effects of my disease to my life I started to question what I could have done better. I was bothered by the thought that there’s just a lot of unknowns in having to pause my life in that kind of way.
Before getting the diagnosis I already knew I was not in my best shape because from time to time I always experience back pain, flu, dizziness, didn’t have an appetite, and felt extremely tired all the time. But I thought it was just because of working almost everyday due to having Sundays as our only day off.
When I started the medication, things got worse because of all the side effects. The first two weeks, I had to take 7 different medicines every day and it was later on changed to 3 big capsules that I had to take for two months and after that my medication was changed again to a 3 different drugs that needs to be taken for another 4 months or more depending on the result. In spite of the side effects like upset stomach, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, skin rashes, darkening of skin, muscle and joint pain, dizziness and palpitations, I have learnt to be patient with my recovery.
Things may not have worked according to my plans, but this experience taught me how to value my health and to cherish the life I have now.
-Den <3
